“2018 was patience, perseverance, perspective, prayer, and most of all it was grace.
I was finding out that I’m able to give a lot of grace to everyone except for myself. I had to learn that it’s not selfish to give grace to myself and I had to do that. And I had to ask God for his grace and mercy.
I know it sounds cliche, but truly God was there and I prayed a lot.
Sometimes doctors just don’t know what is wrong. When that happens, the slow process of the ruling out begins. My chest hurt , I couldn’t eat, and my stomach burned like fire . I was sent to a cardiologist to rule out anything with my heart, which they did. Eventually an endoscopy revealed that I had bile reflux. Stomach bile was coming up and burning me inside. I have been on a medicine ever since that helps tremendously.
And I slowed down. That’s how my perspective changed. I wear a lot of hats. Mom, wife, realtor, volunteer. I love all of those things but there was no hat just for myself. I feel selfish saying that even now. I am still working on it. The chatter I heard when I was forced to slow down I believe was the Holy Spirit. I was told that I can’t do it all. But God can. I had to learn that this was something that I couldn’t control. But God could. I heard that joy isn’t always a given. You have to look for it. My husband started taking me on evening boat rides in the Solomon’s Harbour. I would take photos of everything beautiful that I saw. Sometimes a sunset, sometimes sailboats, sometimes my girls laughing with their hair blowing in the wind. Instead of focusing on what I couldn’t control I focused on the beauty around me. It was the only thing that calmed me down, let me breathe. For those moments I forgot that I was in pain. It was a reprieve. It was God. And he also showed me through the pain, the desire of my heart. I love photography. I now take photos all of the time as a hobby. One day I may do more with it. But it’s my hat. The one I wear for me and I still get to share it with everyone else. So it’s a win win.
I still thank God that he let me go through it, because it made a better version of me. One I hope to remember and use more for him.
And remember at the end of the day, who’s really there with you is God.